Coming Out at Work: A Guide for Trans Employees

At work, you’re the boss of your coming out process. It’s up to you who to tell and what’s safe to share. Should you decide to tell your entire office, it’s a good idea to have a game plan.

The Game Plan

This one may not work for everyone, but it worked for us. Hopefully, it’ll give you a good place to start.

phase 1

Have a 1:1 with someone you trust.

The best-case scenario would be talking to your boss, so they can advocate for you and support you throughout the process. If you’re not comfortable doing that, an HR or DEI leader works just as well. And if you’re nervous about having the conversation, practice with a close friend or coworker.

Phase 2

Draft a high-priority email.

Remember, you’re in the driver’s seat. Think about how you want to tell the rest of your company – over email or in person? And who’s the messenger? You? Your boss? HR?

Our reco? Draft an email that your boss (or HR leader) can send out on your behalf. It will show everyone that you have an ally at the top and will set the right tone for acceptance. Below are two examples that worked quite well in real workplaces. Feel free to choose one and do some rewording to make it your own, or just copy and paste as is and fill in the blanks:

Email Tone

Playful

Professional

Hey gang,

Please help me welcome our newest [insert title], [new name]! You probably don’t even realize it, but you’ve most definitely seen [new pronoun] around the office already. In fact, [new pronoun] sits exactly where [former name] used to sit.

Even though [new pronoun] has actually been here for [# of years at company], [new pronoun] is now even more excited to be here, or just anywhere in general. Because it was kind of a long road for [new pronoun] to figure everything out. But we don’t have to get into the nitty gritty about that. You can just treat [new name] the same way you treated [former name]. Except with some new and improved pronouns (which [new pronoun] understands may take a little getting used to).

Thanks everyone,
[Boss/HR Signature]

Hi everyone!

I am reaching out with an important update regarding [former name]. [Former name] is now [new name], and should only be referred to with [new pronouns] pronouns. So I am very excited to re-introduce [new name] to our team. [New name] realizes this could take time to get used to, but we both would appreciate your full effort from here on out. 🙂

I encourage respectful, open conversations as we continue to foster a collaborative, inclusive culture. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions or do some research on your own!

So, the net-net? Treat [new name] the same way you always had (with new and improved pronouns). Thank you everyone.

Sincerely,
[Boss/HR Signature]

phase 3

Put mental health at the top of your to-do list.

Think about where you want to be when the announcement gets sent out — and in the days after, too. Maybe you can take some time off if you need to. Or if you’re in an office, take advantage of WFH.

Do some research.

Find out if your employer has a non-discrimination policy, and if your state has one too. It’s important to know if you’re protected before you come out at work.

Analyze your workplace vibe.

Do your coworkers talk about their personal lives? Do they make derogatory jokes? Is anyone openly LGBTQ+? Is there a pride ERG? The answers could help you gauge reactions and your comfort level with telling your team.

You can have boundaries.

If asked, you are never obligated to share details about your transition — just like you’d never share your colonoscopy results on Slack. All that matters is that you share your new name and pronouns.

Educating everyone is not your job.

Your coworkers may come to you with questions. If you want to answer them, you can — but you don’t have to. Talk to HR about hosting a DEI training, or just refer them here 😉

Update your personal info.

Talk to HR or your boss about how you can ensure your new name, pronouns, and/or headshot translate in internal systems and documents.